


The Sanctuary

by Only_Slightly_Obsessed (A_Stressed_Cupcake)



Series: Ayamatsu [2]
Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: And a little fluff, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Gen, NUFF SAID, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Re:Zero pride IF, Reinhard adopts a bunch of kids and a couple of adults, ayamatsu, oh god so much angst, takes place after the white whale fight, this is ayamatsu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29984712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Stressed_Cupcake/pseuds/Only_Slightly_Obsessed
Summary: Reinhard is a good guy.Those who have nowhere left to go fall under the protection of the Sword Saint.____Or: Ayamatsu but Reinhard adopts a bunch of kids and a few adults.
Relationships: Felix Argyle | Ferris & Reinhard Van Astrea & Julius Juukulius | Julius Euclius, Reinhard Van Astrea & Everyone
Series: Ayamatsu [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2205609
Comments: 36
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter 1

It wasn’t long after the White Whale incident that his maid packed up and left. 

It was abrupt, but not entirely unexpected. Reinhard’s reputation hadn’t been stellar for some time; when she politely, but very coldly, handed her uniform back, he couldn’t blame her for that disgusted look in her eyes.

Honestly, he wasn’t having much of an issue cooking and cleaning by himself. It wasn’t to the same standards, but he didn’t need it to be. 

He was fine. 

Well, mostly fine. The White Whale had probably taken a lot of victims with it (even one was too many), but no one would ever know who and how many. The only reason anyone knew what the White Whale did, exactly, were those rare, horrifying cases of madness linked to its victims. People who had, for all intents and purposes, been entirely sane until an attack, screaming that there was _someone_ there before. Most of them never recovered. It was a haunting sight, to be sure. It was the reason people knew to fear the whale.

But everyone remembered Felix. Everyone knew he’d been there, and everyone knew he’d just up and vanished after the fight. Therefore, Felix hadn’t been consumed. 

Where was he, then? He didn’t know. He’d been investigating, just like everyone else, but the already faint trail they had was beginning to go cold.

It was after another unsuccessful search that the girl arrived.

The girl was young. Too young to be out looking for a job, usually, but it wasn’t unheard of. What he was concerned about was that his reputation was apparently not a dealbreaker for her. She was either clueless or desperate, and his heart ached for her either way.

He found her standing outside the gate when he returned home from his shift. His smile didn’t seem to reassure her in the slightest. 

“How may I help you?” he asked.

Her voice trembled when she spoke: “It’s… sir, I heard… um…”

It wasn’t just her voice. She was shaking. How long had she been standing out there?

“How long have you been waiting for me?”

“An hour or so. Sir.”

He almost flinched. An hour. In the cold.

He bowed his head, hurriedly unlocking the gate: “Please, come inside. You must be freezing. You can tell me what’s wrong when you feel better.”

“Th… thank you.”

She was quiet on their way in, twisting her hands anxiously as he boiled some water for their tea. He snuck a glance at her. She was dressed in an odd fashion: her clothes looked to have been finely made and expensive once, but only many years before. They were old. The edge of her sleeves was frayed and the fabric that must have once been a bright emerald green looked dusty and old. Her chestnut hair, shorter than what fashion demanded, had clearly been cut with something dull. 

By the time he finally addressed the elephant in the room, the girl had stopped shaking.

“What do you need?” he asked her.

The girl’s left hand trembled against her cup of tea: “I need a job, sir. Your old maid informed me of a… vacancy, here. I know this is sudden, but…”

A shiver ran down his spine. Not from the cold, of course. 

“I’m not really looking for a new maid. I’m sorry.” he started, but the look on the girl’s face was making him rethink that statement before he was even done speaking.

“Please, sir Reinhard.” 

Her voice trembled: “I don’t… I’ve tried many places. No one wants someone as inexperienced as me, I can understand that, but… I don’t know what else to do. I know I had parents once, but I can’t remember a single thing about them, and now I’m alone and whatever we had at home is running out. I can’t support myself on my own, and the streets aren’t even safe enough to steal anymore. I know I shouldn’t say this to a knight, but I must be honest with you. Sir…” she pleaded, “Only until I have enough experience to be hired elsewhere, please, allow me to work here!”

She grabbed his hands, almost unconsciously: “You don’t have to pay me much. You don’t have to pay me at all, if you just give me shelter and food. Please, sir Reinhard.”

His mind was made up. He wasn’t quite sure why he kept asking her questions. 

“What’s your name?”

The girl stood up and bowed: “Annika Ritter.”

“How old are you?”

“I’m fifteen.” she murmured, “I know I have no experience, and I know it’s-”

“Miss Ritter?”

She snapped at attention: “Yes, sir?”

Reinhard extended his hand to her.

“Welcome. I’ll show you to your room.”

Annika started working the very next day.

 _Inexperienced_ was, indeed, the right word for her. She spent the first few evenings at the mansion tending to minor cuts and bruises from peeling vegetables and climbing up ladders that were too tall for her, an inconvenience that was thankfully made easier by Annika’s affinity for water magic that allowed her to heal something as simple as cuts and bruises easily enough. Eventually, she let Reinhard convince her to share the work. It would be more productive for both of them. 

Many good things came from hiring her, though. First of all, it left him more time to contribute to the investigation of Felix’s disappearance. Secondly, Annika was either too careless or too desperate to let Reinhard’s deteriorating reputation deter her from doing her best.

He asked her, on the first day: “Surely, you’ve heard rumours about me. Was it not a problem for you?”

“Rumours are everywhere, all the time.” said Annika, forcefully scrubbing a spot on the window, “If everyone let rumours stop them from reaching out to a possible employer, I assure you, no one would ever find a job.”

And that was that. Annika worked hard, as new to taking care of a mansion as she was, and told him everything she heard in town that could be even remotely useful to his investigation. 

It was an agreement born out of desperation, but it worked well enough. 

As the world outside deteriorated, Annika’s hair began to grow healthier; her skin seemed to regain colour and her frail-looking frame gradually became stronger. 

It made Reinhard think that maybe it wasn’t hopeless. 

  
  


The peace lasted for a month at most. 

Until one early morning, to be precise, when someone knocked at his front door. 

Reinhard could tell whoever was on the other side was nervous before Annika even moved to open the door. Somehow, he could almost hear the tremble of their hand as they knocked, exactly four times, in a rather arrhythmic fashion.

Annika returned just as he stood up to go see for himself.

“Joshua Euclius, sir. He says it’s urgent.”

Well, that was odd. Sometimes Joshua would come by to give some news while Julius was out of town, but, as far as he knew, Julius was in the Capital too. 

He shook his head. Speculation would do him no good. It was better to just ask him.

"Let him in." he told Annika. 

She bowed and walked out, returning only a few seconds later with a very anxious Joshua in tow.

"Hi, Joshua." Reinhard greeted him, "How come you're here so early? Is something wrong?"

"Yes!" the boy exclaimed, "Terribly wrong. I'm here to enlist your help with this."

The knight walked around the chair to reach Joshua: "What is it?"

"Well, Julius left yesterday evening…"

A pit began to form in his stomach: "And?"

Joshua's hands trembled: "And he hasn’t come back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is as good a time as any to remind you that this is Ayamatsu :,)
> 
> Disclaimer: Annika is not a canon character. Joshua is, but he does not appear in Ayamatsu. Also I have not read that far, I am basing his characterisation off the wikia and fanfics.
> 
> -Rémy


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would recommend reading the other story in this series ("Drowning") before starting this chapter if you haven't already. It isn't strictly necessary, but there will be several references to it throughout.

He explained the rest of the story after chugging an impressive amount of tea in a single sip. 

"Yesterday night, pretty late, I heard noises downstairs. He was going out. He told me it was nothing I had to worry about, but…" he shivered, "...the way he said goodbye… it scared me. My brother doesn't say _goodbye_ when he leaves for business. He says _behave_ , and _I'll see you later_ . This time, he said _goodbye_. And he ruffled my hair. He hasn't done that since I was eight."

Reinhard nodded along. It was all he felt able to do, really. His head felt light and his shoulders felt incredibly heavy. Nodding was the only way he could be sure his head was still attached to the rest of his body.

"He didn’t say where he was going?"

"No." said Joshua, "He just told me not to worry about it. But I know where he went."

He was almost panting from anxiety as he dug through his coat pocket and produced a crumpled little note.

"This arrived yesterday evening." he explained, "My brother was already dressed for dinner. He never wears his uniform at dinner unless he's planning on leaving afterwards. But then, when I saw him later, he was wearing it. Which means he hadn't planned on going out, which means this note has something to do with it."

That was a good deduction. 

“May I see it?”

Joshua handed the letter over without complaint, though his fingers seemed to clench involuntarily against it when Reinhard took it. He let go immediately, but it didn’t escape the knight's attention.

He knew who the letter was from before he read any of it. The handwriting was immediately recognisable.

  
  


_Julius,_

_I'm sorry I disappeared. I'm also sorry I'm writing this, but I can’t be seen in public yet._

_I need your help. Meet me at the address on the flipside of this page at 1am, alone. No one else knows I'm around, and I'd like for things to remain that way._

_I know you won't be late. I'll explain everything._

_Hoping to see you,_

_Your friend,_

_Felix_

  
  


Reinhard breathed in, sharply. 

He had never seen a more obvious trap in his life.

"You think that's where he went?" he murmured. It was hard to believe Julius wouldn't suspect something upon receiving a letter like that one. But then again…

"I don't know what else it could be." said Joshua. He sounded exhausted. He _looked_ exhausted, too. There were two dark circles forming under his eyes that hadn't been there the last time he'd seen him.

"Joshua, did you sleep at all last night?" he asked, as gently as he could manage.

The boy yawned: "I slept as much as I could."

"Which is?"

"I’m sorry, but that's irrelevant." he said, "I tried to sleep. I can’t. I just… I can’t sleep until I know my brother is alright. I will not compromise on that. It would be useless to make a promise I can’t keep and say I will stay put and sleep."

He puffed his chest proudly, which would definitely have looked much more effective if not for his trembling hands and tired eyes. That still left Reinhard a question.

"You had this address. Why did you come to me with this?"

Joshua's cheeks flushed a bit: "I… well, I… would've passed by there myself, but… well, I made a promise."

"What?"

His voice dropped to a whisper and his brows twitched upwards in a worried frown: "I think it was a few years ago; my brother made me promise that, if I ever thought something happened to him, I would… go to you right away, if possible. There were a few names on that list, but he made me promise I would ask for help."

Reinhard started breathing again. Mentally, he thanked his friend, hoping it would reach him, wherever he was. He had exclusive information, for one. For two, that meant Julius trusted him. He thanked him for that crucial bit of information he'd entrusted to him, albeit indirectly.

He stood from his chair: "You did well to listen to him. I'll look into it. That address is only on the other side of the city, so it shouldn't take long. Thank you for coming here with this information, Joshua."

"Will it help?"

"It's the most help I've had so far." Reinhard bowed: "Thank you."

He meant it.

Just as he was making his way to the door, though, he heard the unmistakable sound of hurried footsteps behind him and turned to find Joshua hot on his heels.

"What-"

"Forgive my boldness, sir, but I'm coming with you."

“No.” he answered, reflexively. 

Reflexes didn’t help him when the boy furrowed his brow, in such a painfully familiar way, and insisted: “Why not?”

“Because-” he stuttered, caught off-guard by the uncanny sight standing directly in front of him, “Because it isn’t safe. There’s a reason your brother didn’t want you wandering on your own.”

“But I wouldn’t be on my own.” Joshua retorted, “Would I be incorrect in assuming I would be safer if I were in your company than if I were anywhere on my own, sir Reinhard?”

_Oh._

_Damn you, Julius._

Reinhard looked out the window. The street used to be much more lively.

“No, you would be correct.” he admitted.

Traveling with Reinhard was admittedly very convenient. The crowd parted before him, whether he wanted it or not, though the payment for that was that everyone stared at him, only to avert their eyes the moment he tried to look back. Reinhard didn't remember a lot of people's eyes. They never maintained eye contact long enough for him to get a good look.

Joshua, who had stared him straight in the eyes not an hour prior, was now ducking nervously behind him. There was one thing he didn't have in common with his brother: he never seemed to hold himself so proudly or gracefully. Reinhard had to wonder if, with time, that would change too.

He had no time to linger on it, though, because the face the bar's owner made when he saw the Sword Saint walk in required all of Reinhard’s attention.

"Good morning, sir." he greeted.

The owner did not greet them back.

"W… I… to what do I owe the pleasure?" he stuttered, losing a few shades of colour in his face. He looked guilty. Reinhard made note of it immediately, but it wasn’t a dead giveaway. Everyone reacted the same way to him walking in.

"You aren't in any trouble." he said, raising one hand in a placating gesture, "We're merely here to investigate the disappearance of one of our Imperial Knights."

" _What?_ "

Okay, he could've phrased that better.

"We're not saying you're involved!" he clarified, silently pleading with Joshua to keep the venomous glares to himself for the time being, "This is just the last place where we know he's been. Do you know Julius Euclius?"

"No."

"He's my older brother!" Joshua piped up.

True, he could use that.

"Yes, thank you, Joshua. You see…" he gently nudged the boy forward so the owner could get a better look, "They look very similar, actually. If you've seen a young man with this same hair colour or a similar face…"

"Wearing a knight's uniform..."

"...yes, thank you, Joshua. Have you seen anyone like that around?"

The man stared at him for a moment, then shook his head.

"Nope. Sorry, kid. I haven’t seen your brother."

Joshua visibly deflated.

It only made Reinhard more desperate for answers, though. The owner had faltered, just for a moment. If he knew anything at all… well, Reinhard didn't like to intimidate people more than he already did just by walking around, but he needed to find Julius, and fast.

"Are you sure?" he insisted, "He should have come here at around one in the morning, last ni-"

"What?? One?" the man stuttered, "This bar wasn't even open at one! Why on earth would he have come here?"

"To meet someone. Did anyone linger here last night, after closing time?"

That seemed to give him pause. 

Reinhard’s heart sank a bit. If there _had_ been someone there, he could only hope it was Felix. If it was anyone else, then…

"No." the man decided, "No, I checked that the place was empty."

Reinhard sighed. With a heavy heart, he resigned himself to looking elsewhere. Maybe Julius had never even reached the bar. Maybe he'd been attacked on the way there, or maybe on the way back.

"I understand. Thank you for your time." he murmured. He turned back to Joshua, ready to tell him that it was time to leave, but no one was behind him.

His heart, from where it had sunk all the way down, instantly jumped up in his throat. 

Where was he? He had _one_ job. Just one. How on earth had he managed to screw it up so fast?

He didn’t have time to panic. Mostly because Joshua's head popped up over the counter less than a second later, causing the owner to mumble a truly impressive string of curses.

"Say, you have quite a lot of money here, for a bar like this." he observed.

Reinhard was just about to reprimand him for sneaking behind the counter to look through the man's possessions, until it occurred to him that Joshua had a point.

"Why is that?" he asked the man, as politely as possible, watching all the blood drain from his face.

All it took was a single step in his direction and the owner cracked and spilled: "I- I didn't lie! I never saw Sir Julius here. I just saw him heading in this direction. A-ah, but I did see people leaving, yesterday night. There was a young man in black robes and a guy that left in a cart and… and the knight, Felix Argyle. They paid me to keep quiet. But I didn't see anything, I swear!!"

Reinhard wasn’t angry. Really, he wasn’t. But he was tired enough to _sound_ angry to the ears of a coward.

"So, let me get this straight." he reviewed, calmly, "You were aware of not one, but two missing knights of Lugnica, and you said nothing."

"I-"

"I'm sorry to say this, sir, but this could potentially be very serious." he frowned, "So, if you have any information at all, anything that could help us find them, I would consider you a collaborator and therefore I would have no reason to charge you with anything. But, if you were to withhold information, I'm afraid I would have no choice but to consider you an accomplice and you would have to remain under my watch until Sir Julius is found."

The man shuddered.

Reinhard smiled without an ounce of joy: "Am I being clear, sir?"

The man pointed them in the direction where he'd seen the cart go. The cart was the only place they could've hidden Julius. And, judging by what he'd told them, about finding shattered glass on the floor and a puddle of alcohol that smelled just a little bit strange, well.

It was starting to look too much like a kidnapping for his tastes.

Reinhard shivered. He knew that Lady Anastasia had already sent people out to look for Julius. So she must not have received any ransom requests. He himself and Joshua had also heard nothing on the kidnappers' part, so what did they want, exactly? 

There were several options. He hated all of them.

Somehow, he began to hope that it had something to do with him, if only so that he had leverage to balance the one they had against him. 

If it came down to it, he would gladly let them run him through with a sword as long as it meant no one else would be harmed. Unfortunately, he had no guarantee that he was involved in any way, so that plan was not guaranteed to work. 

Of course, he could always make it through with brute force, but that failed to account for the possibility of a hostage situation. Reinhard spent every day and night praying that his enemies wouldn't figure out that _that_ was the way to his heart. A hostage was just about the only thing that could put him in danger. Maybe someone had finally figured that out.

A road of vague _no_ s and _maybe_ s led them to the outskirts of town and then to the swamp. 

Any trace of a smile on their faces had already fallen. 

“Joshua, stay close to me. Okay?”

The kid nodded. Through the thick, foul-smelling mist of the swamp, they could hardly see five feet ahead of them. Well, that wasn’t accurate. Reinhard could see a bit further ahead than Joshua and he was determined to use that to his advantage in case they found something he might not want to see. 

The disadvantage, of course, was that it would be easy to lose each other there. 

He didn’t have to worry about that for long. Joshua, almost unconsciously, reached out for his sleeve and held on to it. 

Slightly reassured, they made their way through any dry patches of earth they could find until, stuck between the thick, twisted roots of a dying tree, Reinhard spotted something. 

Something white. 

His heart jumped. He put his arm out to stop Joshua: “Don’t move. There’s something up ahead.”

The grip on his sleeve tightened: “What is it?”

“I’ll go look. Stay right here and don’t move.”

“No-”

“Joshua, it could be bad. It’ll only take a moment, alright?”

Joshua’s arm trembled, but he listened and let go of his coat. Reinhard didn’t want to check it out any more than he did, but it could be important. The closer he got, the more he realised it was, indeed, important. 

The thing stuck between the roots was a knight’s cape.

More importantly, it wasn’t empty. 

He already had a terrible feeling seeing the cape. But whatever was inside would determine exactly how bad the feeling was. He paused for a moment, just before his hand reached the nearest fold of the cold, wet fabric. What if it was dangerous? What if it was an explosive, or something like that?

 _No matter_ , he shook his head, _if it is, I can be a shield._

With that thought in mind, he pulled the top of the cape down.

His heart stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's in the box?


	3. Chapter 3

He had expected a lot of things. 

Stolen goods, explosives, a message. Maybe even nothing. Maybe just the water of the stream inflating the cape, making it look like there was something inside it. 

He had not expected to come face to face with his friend, paler than any living person could be, with the faintest traces of blood on his chest and nothing behind his amber eyes. His chest was still and those few little cuts were clean. His neck didn’t pulse with life when Reinhard placed his hands on both sides of his head to look him in his glassy eyes. His skin was ice cold. 

He knew before he even touched him: Julius was dead. 

Reinhard wanted to scream. He wanted to scream so badly. He wanted his furious scream to drag out whoever was responsible by their hair and make them look at what they’d done. 

He didn’t scream. 

Instead, he just let himself collapse against his friend’s cold shoulder for a moment. Just a moment, just to see if maybe he’d missed a heartbeat, a twitch, a breath,  _ anything _ . Just to see if, when he looked up again, there would be life behind his eyes again.

There wasn’t.

He almost flinched when Joshua called out to him. He sounded frightened. Of course he did. 

He couldn’t see him. He couldn’t see him. He could not be allowed to see. 

Reinhard dragged himself to his feet, intercepting the boy before he could get close enough to see what he’d found. He had to hold him by the shoulders to make sure he wouldn’t duck and run past him: “Please, Joshua. Go no further.”

“What did you find?” he stuttered, “Let me go. What’s there? Why…”

Joshua looked him in the eyes and his face lost all its colour.

“...why are you crying, Reinhard?”

He managed to keep him still, but only until he finally found the strength to tell him what he’d found. Without letting go of his shoulders, he knelt in the dirt and lowered his head. The apology was only a part of that gesture. The other was that looking at Joshua’s face and comparing it to the one he’d just seen made his heart sink like a stone into his gut.

“I’m sorry, Joshua.”

The boy started trembling under his grip.

“I found him. But he’s… I mean, it’s… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” he repeated, quietly, so Joshua couldn’t hear his voice cracking.

He couldn’t stop Joshua when he ran past him without a word. Well, not quite: he could have, of course. But, when he heard him scream in anguish behind him, he was almost relieved.

That way, no one would hear him sobbing.

His eyes were dry by the time they returned to the mansion. Reinhard had called the guards to take the body away while he led Joshua back by the shoulders. 

He was still crying. 

And he didn’t stop, presumably, after he’d locked himself in the guest room Reinhard had pointed him to. 

As for Reinhard himself, he’d long since stopped crying, and he didn’t feel like he would start again anytime soon. Where there had been a weight in his chest earlier, there was just… nothing. A hole where his heart should have been. The weight had shifted to his spine instead, forcing him to stay seated, staring straight ahead.

He didn’t flinch when the ever-quiet Annika tapped him on the shoulder. He did struggle to turn and look at her, though, only to find her carrying a tray with two hot cups of tea on it. 

Without a word, she offered one and, without a word, he accepted it.

The warmth gave him the clarity he needed to recall his terrible manners.

“Thank you.” he hurriedly corrected, “I’m… not all there today, I’m afraid.”

Annika’s eyes turned sad: “You can’t be blamed for that. If you want to retire early, sir…”

“No, it’s alright. I’m just…” 

He frowned slightly. What  _ was _ he? Sad? Afraid? Angry? 

He searched his mind for a more acceptable emotion. He didn’t find any.

“I’m just grieving, I suppose.” he murmured.

The maid nodded: “Please, allow me to offer my condolences.”

“Thank you.”

She glanced at the stairs: “Should I…?” she asked, eyeing the remaining cup of tea on her tray. 

He shook his head: “No, don’t disturb him for now. You can drink that, if you want.”

Annika hesitated, but she finally nodded her head in thanks and set the tray down, sitting across from him to drink her tea. 

A few minutes passed in silence. 

Then, perhaps encouraged by his unusual silence, she asked him: “I’m very sorry to ask but… were you close?”

“Quite.” he nodded.

“Ah.”

“I’m more worried about Joshua.” he sighed, “They don’t…  _ didn’t _ have parents either, you know. And he’s a bit too young to be living on his own.”

Something sparked in Annika’s eyes: “I understand that.”

“Annika?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Do you think…” he paused, “Do you think it would be appropriate to ask him to stay here for some time? He doesn’t exactly have problems regarding his financial situation, mind you, but…”

“You’re afraid for his safety.” she completed.

“Yes.”

“I think you should ask him. Forgive my bluntness, but it sounds like it would be unsafe to leave him alone when we don’t know why- I mean, what those people were after. For all we know, it’s a family thing.”

A shiver ran up his spine: “I’m not sure of that, but it  _ is  _ a possibility. You’re right. Although I suspect that…  _ that _ had more to do with him being a knight than a member of the Euclius family. He was the second imperial knight to suddenly go missing, and others have been turning up dead in the streets.”

“And why do you suppose they tried to hide this one?” she asked.

That was a good question. He had no idea. Maybe the perpetrators were different people after all. If not for the fact that…

“They have Felix too.” he murmured, and his voice cracked almost imperceptibly, “He was seen with the one who likely took the body away. He was alive yesterday night, but…”

“...that is liable to change?” she guessed.

“Yes. And, more importantly, if he’s been with those people all this time…” he shivered, visibly, and Annika noticed.

She set her empty cup back on the tray, almost encouraging him to do the same before his trembling hands could make him spill the tea over himself. 

“Are you worried that he’s there against his will?”

“He has to be.” Reinhard whispered, “It can’t be otherwise. Felix would not betray us if he wasn’t forced to. Maybe not even then. Maybe that’s why they-”

He cut himself off.

_ Killed Julius. _

_ You can say those words. _

_ They’re real whether you say them or not. _

Annika gave him a compassionate look: “I’m sorry to ask this, but… he wasn’t…” her voice lowered to a whisper, “I, uh… I don’t know how to put this. Do you know if Sir Julius… no. I’m sorry, forget I asked.” she shook her head, “You really should rest, sir Reinhard. You look like you’re going to crumble otherwise.”

He frowned. What was she going to ask?

_ Didn’t know how to say it? _

The idea was like a cold shower. That was how he knew he’d guessed. 

“No.” he murmured, “He wasn’t tortured.”

Annika flinched.

“Was that what you were going to ask, Annika?” he asked, knowing the answer.

She nodded, shyly: “I’m sorry for bringing…  _ that _ up.”

“No, it was a legitimate question. It would have been… different, if they had. It was a legitimate question.”

He forced himself to talk over the knot in his throat and forced himself to smile despite all the muscles in his face trying to tug his lips down.

“It was a good question.”

If she heard his voice cracking, she didn’t mention it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was one single line in this chapter that haunted me for literal days after I wrote it.  
> Props to anyone who can guess it before chapter 4 :,)


	4. Chapter 4

When Reinhard finally resigned himself to return to his bedroom, he passed by the guest room to hear nothing but silence on the other side of the door. For a moment, it made his heart beat faster.

 _Calm down_ , he told himself, _he must've stopped crying. That's all._

He found himself opening the door anyway, as quietly as he could manage. 

The room was dark, probably. He wouldn't know it for sure. Regardless, he could clearly see the little figure curled up on the bed.

He sighed quietly. Was it relief or fond exasperation over seeing how he'd fallen asleep? He wasn’t sure.

Joshua still had his monocle on. It was pressing into the side of his face, but it didn’t seem to bother him. He was hugging a pillow to his chest like a stuffed animal. 

Reinhard, as gently as possible, pried the monocle out from under his face so it wouldn't leave even more of a mark than it already had and pulled the covers up over his shoulders. He frowned a bit. Joshua's eyelids were red and clearly swollen. He'd probably cried himself to sleep, but at least he seemed to be having peaceful dreams.

"May your dreams treat you better than what you saw today." Reinhard murmured, "I won't let you see anything like that again. I'm so sorry."

Joshua shifted a bit in his sleep, but didn't wake up.

Reinhard left the room and finally, later than anyone should, went to bed. 

His blessing of good dreams may have worked on Joshua, but it certainly hadn't worked on himself. Reinhard woke up at least four times that night, tormented by a pale face with glassy eyes. 

The fifth time, he decided not to go back to sleep and instead spent those few hours that remained before sunrise doing everything he could to distract himself from the thoughts that haunted him.

Nothing was working. He stared at a page for an hour without reading a single word. The ink of the pages before him shifted continuously to form different words, the same ones that tugged at his conscience: _Julius is dead. Felix is still missing. Felix is in danger. There is something wrong here. I don’t know what they wanted. I don’t know why they took them. No one is safe until I know. No one is safe until I do something._

The very words he'd said to Annika the previous night laughed in his face.

_He wasn’t tortured._

Wasn’t he, though? How would he know that? There were ways to inflict pain without injury. There were ways to heal someone from terrible injuries. The healer that had examined him had said it was poison, but he hadn’t specified which one. 

_He wasn’t tortured._

Reinhard had never wanted to be right so badly.

He shoved all of those thoughts to the back of his mind when he went to breakfast, though his stomach turned the moment he took the first bite.

"Good morning." said Annika, looking like she hadn't slept as well as she could have. That made three of them, then.

"Good morning." he replied, "How are you feeling today?"

It was a habit he'd picked up. Asking her every morning how she was feeling. He knew she would answer honestly, because Annika wasn't the type to sugarcoat too much, as he'd soon found out.

Annika, for the first time in a month, didn't give him a straight answer: "With all due respect, Sir Reinhard, I feel like I should be the one asking you that question."

"I'm fine." he smiled, "But how are you?"

She frowned in response: "Sir, haven't I always given you an honest answer?"

His stomach sank: "Of course."

"I think I deserve the same, then." 

She was right, of course, but Reinhard didn't particularly want to regale a little girl with tales of murder. He decided to humour her, at least partially.

"I had nightmares." he admitted, "That's all, really. But I'm not surprised." 

She nodded, satisfied with his answer.

"I didn't sleep very well, either." she said.

He didn’t tell her about the other thoughts. 

Joshua came downstairs quietly. He had his monocle on again and both the glass and his face were spotless, indicating he'd probably woken up some time before and spent it cleaning up. Fair enough.

"Hello, Joshua." Reinhard greeted him, smiling as reassuringly as he could: "Do you… feel any better?"

"I don't feel worse." was the only response he got. Well, it was something, at least. 

"Did you sleep alright?"

For just a moment, he could've sworn he'd seen the ghost of a familiar smile on the boy's face. A moment and nothing more.

"I had a good dream." he said, "But that was all it was."

Reinhard smiled back and hoped it looked fine. Judging by the look Joshua and Annika exchanged when he was about to leave, it didn’t.

“You again!”

The owner of the bar was less than happy to see him back there that morning.

“I already told you everything!” he protested, never letting Reinhard get a single word in, “Just ‘cause you didn’t find the guy alive doesn’t mean it was my fault, alright? I had no idea. You said I wasn’t in any trouble!”

“You’re not!” Reinhard snapped. His version of a _snap_ was significantly milder than most, but the man flinched back anyway. 

The knight sighed: “I’m here to ask a few more questions. There are some details that could help me locate the other missing knight.”

Seeing the look the owner gave him, he added: “Unlike Sir Julius, he was missing for a rather long time, yet you say you saw him alive the other night. Is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“Was he injured or restrained?”

“No.” the man shook his head, “But the other guy never let go of his shoulders, the entire time. That doesn’t count as restraint, does it?”

Reinhard had a shiver: “It very well could. We don’t know exactly who we’re dealing with. Did you notice anything else about Sir Felix? Like…” he hesitated, “...his emotional state, for instance?”

The owner paused to think. He scratched his chin for a moment, but then his eyes fell on Reinhard’s face. His expression softened just a little: “You look very pale, Sir Reinhard.”

“I’m fine.” he assured him, “Please, answer the question. The sooner we finish here, the sooner I’ll be out of your way.”

“Well, alright.” shrugged the man, “I didn’t get a good look at his face. It was pretty dark. But I think I saw him shaking.”

Reinhard’s stomach dropped: “Ah.”

“I can see why.” he continued, “The boy in black had something about him that wasn’t right, I tell you. He didn’t sound like kids his age should.”

“What can you tell me about this boy?”

“Not much. I saw even less of him than of Sir Felix. He had a hood pulled over his head and… well…” he hesitated, “I can’t be sure, but his cloak looked like… like it might’ve belonged to a disciple of the Witch.”

Reinhard didn’t realise he’d stood up until he heard the chair crashing to the floor behind him. 

A witch cultist. That explained everything and nothing at the same time. On one hand, their lack of a stated goal made them incredibly unpredictable. On the other, the recent murders seemed too methodical to fit that bill.

But all that reasoning came after. The first thought he had, loud and desperate, was: _the witch cult has Felix._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reinhard is not doing great huh
> 
> Next chapter is an intermission from a different POV, so quick question: italics or no italics?


	5. Intermission #1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for kinda graphic violence in this chapter. It doesn't happen here, but it IS described.  
> Be safe.

“You switched out the poison.”

His master didn’t flinch at the accusation. He never seemed to be surprised by anything, for some reason. He just looked back with a half smile: “What do you mean, Blue?”

“You switched out the poison.” he repeated with a shaking voice, holding up a little silver ring: “You gave me the wrong ring, didn’t you?”

“So what if I did?”

Nothing seemed to bother him. 

“I told you I didn’t want him to suffer. You agreed with me. You said I could just put him to sleep!” he snapped, but even that didn’t seem to cause a reaction. 

“Ah, damn. I did, didn’t I?” sighed his master, running a hand through his messy black hair, “Sorry. I didn’t think you cared that much.”

The apology was clearly insincere, but Felix had long since stopped caring. 

“You didn’t-” he started, but he cut himself off with a sigh, “Why did you do that? I told you. I asked you one thing and you said- you _ promised  _ it would be quick!”

His blood froze in his veins with one glance from the boy sitting before him. That was when he knew he’d gone too far, raised his voice just a little too loud. That was when he knew he'd lit the fuse; the darkness was going to slip out. 

“ _ Quick _ ? Well…” his master grinned, “It was, wasn’t it? You say _ quick  _ like there’s a specific time, but there isn’t. He still died within a minute or two, yes? Do you know how much pain someone can go through in a few minutes, Blue? I could’ve done anything. But…” he sighed, standing from his seat, “...this really makes me think; if I’d asked you to stretch it out, specifically, if I’d asked you to make him suffer, would you have done it? It seems to me like your loyalty isn't as unconditional as you said it would be. Where do you draw the line, hm?”

His heart skipped a beat: “No, I-”

The boy ignored him: “Let’s say I had told you to stab him a dozen times, like… in the gut. That hurts a lot, you know? Would you have done it?”

“I…”

“Or, oh! What if I’d told you to slit his throat? It takes about as long as the poison but… trust me, it is so much worse. What if I’d told you to strangle him with your own hands, or drown him, what if I’d ordered you to break his ribs and watch him choke? Oh, that one is _ nasty _ !” he exclaimed, and his eyes gleamed with manic delight. He clapped a couple of times: “There are a lot of bones you can break in someone’s body, and they all hurt like hell. Believe me."

“I- I couldn-” Felix forced his hands to stop shaking: “I couldn’t have done that. Julius is stronger than me. No matter how much he trusted me, he wouldn’t have let me-”

“Oh, enough with the excuses!”

Felix flinched.

“Don’t act like I haven’t seen you paralyse people before, Blue.” smiled the boy, “You had every opportunity to do that. Do you have any idea how long you can draw out a death? Hell, me and Elsa just got back from something like that a few days before it was your turn. I told you about it, yes?”

“I… yes.” he answered. He didn’t want to hear the story about the Archbishop of Greed again.

“So then, aren’t you glad I didn’t send Elsa in, like I was going to?”

“Yes. I am.”

“And don’t you think that was quick and easy, just like you asked?”

“Yes.”

“So then…” his master sighed and scratched behind his ear affectionately, “Are you still mad at me, Blue?” he asked, making an exaggerated sad face at him.

Felix looked away.

“No. I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

“All is forgiven, then!”

“Yes." he murmured, "All…"

He forced his heart to stop racing.

“...forgiven.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like writing Pridebaru in a magnificent bastard kind of way.  
> I think that was pretty clear-
> 
> -Rémy


	6. Chapter 6

The search for the young cultist was unsuccessful. Worse, Reinhard wasn’t deaf to the rumours all around him. 

People called him a failure, uncaring, undeserving of his blessings, nothing but a holier-than-thou nobleman who only got involved when his friends were dropping dead. He asked Annika to tell him everything she heard on the street, he  _ insisted _ , and she reluctantly told him everything and then some. 

“A local noblewoman offered me a job just so I would get away from you.” she confessed, quietly, “I turned her down and they were all looking at me with… pity.”

She looked disgusted. She had spat out the word  _ pity _ like it was poison.

A question came to mind: “Why didn’t you accept her offer?”

Annika smiled, shyly: “I like it here. Those people don’t know what they’re talking about. Besides, if I went to work there, they’d lose interest in me as soon as they get every bit of gossip out of me. I'm slow at cleaning, and I mess up too often when I'm cooking. For all I know, I’ll be back on the street in a month if I agree.”

He felt something tug at his chest: “That won’t happen.”

She just smiled.

Following an off-hand suggestion from a fellow knight, Reinhard took a trip over to Margrave Mathers' mansion. It wasn’t exactly a last-ditch effort, but it wasn’t… his first pick, either, so to speak. He meant the Margrave no disrespect, of course, but the atmosphere he'd felt lingering around him triggered his defenses.

He wasn’t sure why.

Still, he took a deep breath and pressed on. The Emilia camp had been responsible for every major victory against the witch cult. Surely, if ever there was someone who could help-

"I'm afraid there's not much I can do about thaaaaat."

_ What? _

"What do you mean?" he asked. Had he misheard?

The Margrave shook his head: "Well, you see, it's true we've been fighting agaaaaainst them, but we haven't exactly been picking those fights. They just caaaame to us."

"But… surely, you must know something!"

"Not so."

Reinhard’s hands shook for a moment: "I understand. If… if, however, you should come across them again, please, consider helping our investigation."

" _ Our _ ?" the man repeated, "Yours and who else's?"

"The knights' order, of course."

He heard a whisper far behind him that he probably wasn't meant to hear.

"Sister, sister, our guest is looking tense."

"Rem, Rem, our guest might get angry."

Lady Emilia scolded the maids with her eyes from her seat next to the lord of the mansion.

The Margrave, either because he hadn’t heard them or because he didn't care, ignored their comments: "Really? It seems to me like you’re aaaaaall on your own here, Sir Reinhard. I hear you were nowhere to be seen during the struggle against the White Whale. You know, some may find it suspicious, how you only got involved after your frieeend got hurt.”

That wasn’t touching a nerve. It was straight up punching it. 

“I was not involved in the fight until it was too late, because no one told me it was happening.” he retorted, through gritted teeth, “Sir Julius’s death had nothing to do with it. It was simply a reminder of the dangers we are facing, and how they may be connected. I was hesitant to ask for your help, but I see I have no choice if I want to be a part of the fight for our kingdom. No one else will involve me.”

“Have you considered whyyy?”

“As it is, why they don’t ask for my help when they want it is beyond me. It’s also not my most pressing concern. I can worry about my standing once this terror is over, whether I am the one that stops it or not. I’m not too proud to beg, Margrave. Who takes the credit is of no importance to me; if the price of your help is my full support in crowning Lady Emilia, I will pay it. Just, please…” his voice dropped, “Please, help me.”

Lady Emilia shifted uncomfortably in her seat. His words had struck something, he could tell. Coming from her, he sensed nothing but a desire to help. However, even that pure feeling was obfuscated by the overwhelming indifference radiating from the Margrave. He knew his answer before he ever spoke.

“No.”

Reinhard’s shoulders fell. 

“Why not?” stuttered Lady Emilia, “B… but, Roswaal, he-”

“Has nooothing to offer us.”

“He said he would help us. I… I thought you wanted more endorsements. I think we should-”

“Lady Emilia, you aren’t in charge of our alliances. Sir Reinhard is powerful, yes, but asking for our help will just make him look even more pathetic in the eyes of the public.”

Reinhard didn’t realise he’d stood up until he heard the screech of the chair against the floor. 

The Margrave once again ignored it: “We have noooo use for that kind of help, I’m afraid.”

He turned to Reinhard, with nothing but cold indifference behind his mismatched eyes.

“I must ask you to leave.”

Leave he did, without saying a word. He felt Lady Emilia's eyes on his back as he went.

He had no idea what to do next.

That night, he talked to Joshua. They hadn’t officially discussed the topic of him staying at the mansion for a while, though he hadn’t expressed a desire to return home either. He almost seemed to dread it, in fact.

“Joshua?” he called, stopping him just outside the dining room, “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

He looked nervous. That wasn’t unusual. 

He cleared his throat: “Of course.”

“I wanted to ask you something, about… well, your stay here.” he started, gesturing vaguely at the corridor and the mansion as a whole. 

Joshua’s cheeks flushed, only to lose their colour a moment later: “Oh! Oh, where are my manners? Of course! I- uh, well, it would be difficult to return now, but tomorrow morning, first thing-”

He could have laughed, or cried. He wasn’t sure. He settled on a nervous laugh: “No, Joshua, no, I wasn’t asking you to leave!”

Joshua adjusted his monocle: “You weren’t?”

“No, of course not! I was actually going to ask if you would be fine with staying here a little longer.”

He looked happy. Then embarrassed. Then suspicious. Finally, he regained that painfully familiar composure of his: “I… hm. I suppose that might be beneficial.  _ Mutually _ beneficial, that is. Of course. I wouldn’t- uh- I wouldn’t agree to something that isn’t mutually beneficial.”

Reinhard felt a spark of joy somewhere in his heart: “Is that a yes?”

“I- um… yes. It is. A yes, that is.”

“Thank you!” he blurted out before he could stop himself. He wasn’t sure who he was thanking. Joshua, or fate, or the powers-that-be. It didn’t matter. He was just thankful.

“You’re welcome. I suppose. Am I doing this right?” mumbled Joshua, though the last part was perhaps unintentional.

Either way, for once, Reinhard slept peacefully.

For the first time in days, he was doing something right.

It was strange to not be alone. 

Or lonely, for that matter. Even when the old maid was still at the mansion, their relationship had always been purely professional in spite of his attempts to break the ice. 

Having Annika, and then Joshua, around was different. They were kids. They were both itching to talk, and run, and they both needed all the support they could get. Annika, suddenly orphaned, and Joshua, losing the last of his family without warning, were both alone before reaching the age anyone could be left alone. 

He had seen them talk about it, actually, in hushed tones. Days earlier, he’d caught the echo of Annika murmuring: “I know.” 

Since that day, they’d been talking, lowering their voice when Reinhard passed them by. Joshua had even started helping her clean, despite their insistence that it wasn’t necessary and his complete inexperience.

“It would be unbecoming to live in someone else’s home without ever helping them.” he retorted, and they couldn’t convince him otherwise. They didn’t particularly want to, either. It looked, for all the world, like doing work around the house was actually helping keep Joshua’s mind off everything he’d heard and seen. Reinhard wasn’t willing to take that away from him.

One thing bothered him. Through no fault of his, Joshua had adopted certain expressions, tics and mannerisms that were just a little too eerily reminiscent of his brother. The way he pushed his hair aside, for example. The way he knit his brows together when he frowned, the way he adjusted his jacket, his voice on certain words, his smile. 

It just hurt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roswaal's poker face is unbeatable, change my mind.  
> He is a Very Good Liar.


	7. Chapter 7

He woke up past midnight, with no explanation as to why.

No explanation, of course, until he felt a torrential wave of despair wash over him from somewhere on his left. That explained everything.

Reinhard didn't especially like using his blessing of Divine Empathy. He had to activate it willingly if he wanted to read someone's emotions down to the most secret ones, and emotions, particularly those that were buried in the back of people's minds, could be ugly. Most of the time, Reinhard preferred to rely on body language instead. It was simpler, it didn’t distract him with heavy, secret feelings, and it didn’t feel like an invasion of privacy.

All that being said, sometimes, an emotion was just so overpowering that he could feel it anyway.

That sadness wasn't his own. It came from the guest bedroom on the other side of the corridor. Or, more accurately, the room that had become Joshua's bedroom.

He could feel that all-encompassing despair radiate from the room long before he was close enough to hear muffled sobs somewhere on the other side. He glanced across the hallway. Annika wasn't going to wake up if he just knocked, was she? No, she probably wasn't even going to hear it.

He brought his knuckles up to the door.

_ Please, let me in. _

He knocked.

A stifled gasp. Silence. Then, quiet steps muffled by the carpet and the click of a lock and the creak of a door opening slowly, just a crack, just enough for one yellow eye to stare back at him.

"Yes?"

Joshua, to his credit, had somewhat regained his composure. His voice was a little shaky, but it was nothing like the uncontrollable sobs and screams of that cursed morning.

It occurred to him that he had not planned the interaction in the slightest. He would just have to improvise.

"Hello, Joshua." he greeted, "I'm sorry for coming by this late, but how come you're still awake? Do you need anything?"

To say that the boy looked unimpressed would be a bit excessive, but he certainly didn’t look enthusiastic.

"I just woke up." he mumbled, probably telling something close to the truth at least, "It happens. I don’t need any help right now, thank you."

"Are you sure?"

Instead of a  _ yes _ or a  _ no _ , Joshua gave him a question in response: "Why are you so concerned, sir? Your timing is a little too perfect."

He sighed. No use lying.

"I don't know if you know this, but I have a blessing of Divine Empathy." he explained, "I can read emotions. I just felt a truly worrying wave of sadness coming from this area and I wanted to check in on you. That's all."

Joshua, probably unaware of his blessing of Night Vision, didn’t try to hide the way his face flushed. He did, unsuccessfully, attempt to hide his stutter when he said: "A-ah. Well, that is- I didn't know that, actually. I don’t- I don't think I knew that."

"So, do you want to talk about it?"

"No!" was his first, knee-jerk reaction. He cleared his throat and corrected himself: "I mean- there isn’t much to talk about, truthfully. It's nothing so complicated that it would require a whole conversation to understand. I just…"

He looked away, off to the side, but it didn’t look like he was seeing anything. It just looked like he was avoiding Reinhard’s eyes.

"I just miss him." he murmured.

He opened the door all the way.

"May I come in?"

"Of course."

Reinhard let Joshua pace around the room, sitting patiently in a chair by the window. He was grateful for the carpet. If not for that, Joshua might've made a lot of noise walking around and neither of them wanted to face a sleep-deprived Annika.

Despite Joshua's claim that there was nothing to his sadness, he was gradually becoming more and more talkative.

"I just don't  _ get  _ it!" he huffed, making yet another loop around the chair, "I don't understand why- or who, or how. It's driving me insane."

"I don't know either." sighed Reinhard.

"Yes, that's the other thing. Why knights? If you don't know, then I have no idea how we're ever going to find out."

"I'm sure we will, Joshua."

"I am not." he retorted, "I mean, do we have a strategy? Do we have  _ anything _ ?"

"I'm trying to find Felix."

"Yes, but that hasn't been going well, has it?"

He couldn’t argue with that one.

"No, it hasn't." he admitted, "But if they've kept him alive for so long, then-"

"-then they need something from him."

"Yes. Essentially, yes."

Joshua made a noise somewhere between pity and exasperation. He stopped dead in his tracks and started retracing his steps: "That could be a lot of things. Sir Felix is an exceptionally powerful magic user, a knight of Lugnica, and a friend to many important people." he recapped.

Reinhard felt a sting of fear in his gut: "Yes, I know. He's also a stubbornly loyal individual. That's both a relief and a worry."

"Are you worried that-"

"Yes." 

He cut Joshua off before he could elaborate on his question. Joshua did not insist. He wiped his brow with the cuff of his sleeve and kept walking.

A minute later, he froze.

"I wish I could say I just want answers." he said, flatly, like there was nothing to the statement beside the words that formed it. Or like he couldn’t choose an emotion to put behind it.

"But…" he continued, "...that isn't true. It simply isn't. I want answers, yes, but that is the only thing I want that I might have a chance to actually have. I want a lot of things. I want answers, I want justice, I want my brother back! I want him to tell me that he hadn’t meant to fall into their trap. That that  _ goodbye _ was a slip-up and nothing more. But I can’t have that. I can’t have any of that, except answers. So that is the only thing I can cling to."

Reinhard’s heavy heart sank even further down into his stomach. He felt sick.

"You can't live only for that." 

"What do  _ you _ live for, Reinhard?"

He flinched. He hadn’t expected him to flip the question back at him.

"To- protect." was all he could say, "That is the reason for my being. That is all I can be."

Joshua's brow curved up in something terribly similar to pity: "And you say I can't live only for answers."

"You weren’t created to live your life like that." he sighed, "But, listen, Joshua, if I said I can clear one of your doubts for you…" he murmured, holding Joshua's wrist between his hands almost unconsciously, "...would that make you feel any better?"

"Yes!" the boy answered, without hesitation and perhaps a bit too loud. He realised his mistake half a second later. His cheeks flushed.

"Hm… yes." he repeated, quietly.

"Alright. Then I will tell you this." 

He pressed his thumbs down just a little, just enough to feel the strong, healthy pulse of the veins in the kid's wrist: "Julius did not mean to die."

Joshua flinched.

"He never meant to leave you behind. When he left that night, he knew it was a risk, but he went there intending to save someone, not get himself killed. Of that, you can be sure." he said. His expression softened: "He was too proud of you to leave you behind of his own free will."

The boy's arm shook violently in his grip.

The sea of melancholy turned to something indescribable.

"Please leave." he stuttered, under his breath, "Leave- f- leave for a moment, I-"

Reinhard felt a twinge of panic: "Did I say something wrong?"

"Please, leave!"

His voice was rising. Reinhard retreated, raising his hands in an appeasing gesture: "Alright. Forgive me. I'll see you later."

The door was shut behind him before he had time to look back.

Resigned to return to his room, he found Annika poking her head out from behind her door.

His breath returned all at once in a tired sigh: "Oh, did we wake you? I'm sorry."

"Yeah. You did." she muttered, grumpily, "Do you know what time it is, sir?"

"I'm very sorry."

"No, really. Do you know what time it is? I have no idea."

There was a moment of silence as both their gazes slowly travelled to the ticking clock on the far wall.

"One in the morning." she huffed, "We'd better get back to sleep."

_ One in the morning. _

"Yes, of course. I'm very sorry I woke you."

He couldn’t be sure, but he may have heard her mumble something along the lines of  _ you'd better be _ as she retreated into her bedroom.

He couldn’t go back to sleep.

Reinhard got no sleep that night, thanks in no small part to the continuous waves of sadness that washed over him, but he didn’t leave the room until an acceptable time; that is, about half an hour after Annika got up, at the time she was supposed to make breakfast.

He helped her sometimes, and she didn’t ask any questions, except whether or not he'd slept well. If the answer was  _ no _ , and he didn’t elaborate, she knew not to pry.

Halfway through folding the batter to complete a pastry, however, he felt a stone in his gut. 

He was on duty that day.

He really didn’t want to leave for hours after that conversation with Joshua. Maybe it was time to call in a favour.

"Annika?"

"Mh?" she answered, a bit distracted by the pot of bubbling cream in front of her.

"I have a task for you today. You don’t have to do it, I'm just… asking."

She raised her brow, her attention now entirely on him: "What is it?"

"I would like you to keep an eye on Joshua, if possible. He isn't… he wasn’t doing well last night."

"Yeah, I noticed." she nodded, "I was going to ask you about it, but it was so late…"

"I know. He's just…" he gestured vaguely, "...grieving, you know? And grieving people are… a bit fragile, as I'm sure you know. But I'm on duty today, and I can’t-"

"I understand. I'll keep an eye on him."

"Thank you, Annika."

A few more days passed just like that. Joshua's mood was relatively stable as long as he was talking to them, only to drop significantly when he was left alone. He apologised for being rude that night,  _ profusely _ apologised, and Reinhard did the same, over and over, until Annika asked them if they were going to clean that window anytime soon. 

They did. Reinhard watched Joshua struggle to wipe away a dark spot on the window frame. From then on, Joshua started helping more and more, until they were less like a master, a guest and a maid, and more like three people sharing a house.

And Joshua was… better, somewhat. He had long conversations with Annika, apparently, anytime Reinhard was away, and, though she didn't tell him exactly what they talked about, he could guess based on their shared past. Much like Annika, the marks of his melancholy were slowly beginning to fade from his posture, from his face, and from the tone in his voice.

He was doing better.

Of course, such things never lasted.

It was on a relatively uneventful evening, as the three of them were busy making dinner together, that something happened. 

He didn’t know what it was. A shiver, sudden and brutal, making him drop the knife he’d taken it upon himself to cut the ingredients with. It clattered against the cutting board, and two heads snapped towards him.

“Sir?”

“What’s wrong?”

He shook his head. The shiver seemed to be dancing a jig all over his back. 

“Nothing.” he smiled, “Just… a feeling. I got distracted.”

Annika frowned: “No offense, sir, but that doesn’t sound good.”

“It isn’t.” Joshua agreed, “Are you ill? Tired? You were out all day, maybe you should just rest for a bit.”

“Yeah, we can take it from here.” she nodded. 

Reinhard waved them off: “Oh, no. I’m not tired. And I would… prefer it, if you didn’t have to use a knife without my supervision.”

“I can heal cuts.” Annika shrugged, “I’ve been doing just fine this entire time. Of course, I agree that Joshua shouldn’t be anywhere near a knife.”

“ _ Annika! _ "

“No, I’m being honest.” Reinhard smiled, fondly, “I’m not tired and… I don’t know what came over me just then, but I’m not ill, I assure you.”

The kids exchanged a look. They’d been doing it more and more often. Communicating with their eyes. Usually, however, it was reserved for when they agreed on Reinhard lying to them or underplaying whatever was bothering him. Such as that moment.

“If you’re sure of it…” sighed Joshua. They knew better than to insist. 

“Of course, I’m-”

_ Knock knock. _

Annika didn’t miss a beat: “Oh, my hands are dirty. Sir Reinhard-”

“I’ll get it.” he sighed. Yes, it was a ploy to get him out of the kitchen, but he wasn’t about to argue with two children about who was going to open the door. Especially not at that time of night. Especially not with that feeling of dread clawing at him.

The shiver returned, more violent than ever, as soon as his hand was on the handle. It was like a feeling of intense numbness. Like his chest had been emptied of all its organs.

And it wasn’t entirely his own, he knew that much.

But what was he going to do? 

He ignored it, opening the door to find-

“Felix?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops.


End file.
